We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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