smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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