Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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