i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Randomize
