Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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