I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
