I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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