i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
