Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
