last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm gonna fight the coyote
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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