I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
