4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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