You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
