Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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