So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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