I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
