I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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