Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
