My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
