It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize