and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
