Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
