take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
