Your dad touched me again.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
