i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
