i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
