Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
