just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
