billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
