watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
