And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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