My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
