I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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