Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
