I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
