i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
pray to the hookup gods
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
