Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize