Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
