What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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