In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize