the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
