who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
