Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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