Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
