first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
