dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
