Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
