I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
