my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
