just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
