whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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