My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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