I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
