ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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