There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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