i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
