I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
