I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
