Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize