I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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