so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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