And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
