mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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