Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
