Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
